Saturday, November 14, 2009

desire, for the love of God


its a question that starts from the scratch. the scratch in which it wouldnt even exist if He is not here. He is the reason off all being. the reason of the wide horizon world and the anormously wide open sky that we cudnt even reach it by any means. while, He, as God, as our God, give us the opportunity to see His creation and be astonished by them all.
by the astonished feel we say Subhanallah.

i started asking questions to God, do u exist?
the He showed me as u came back from the mosque, i can see a car, a red car, who parked the car here? i then asked myself. i dunt know, nobody told me. perhaps just some average egyptian? but then, i rememberd, who parked our earth, our mother earth at the solar system?
ahhh.. that MUST be God. He told us before. yes He did. in surah Yasiin. He placed the mother earth, the moon, and the sun in its orbit.
He had already told us that He is the one who placed them. then why still we are not confirmed about that?

God, U r the all loving. in fact, u even created love. love between one person to another, as it can be easily seen, the love which dwells from kindness, sacrifice, and all that, but we miss use it perhaps?
i mean, U, as God, gave us the mean of being loved, we are loved by our father, mother, sister, brother, our friends, and also we love a girl/guy that we are attracted to.
U create them, and so U give them love, and U give them the feel of loving me. and so i am loved.
As for that O Allah, how can i get this love? the LOVE as how others see it. its Love that im asking for,
as somehow possibly and how is it wonderful that maybe, im in Love with someone, and somehow i want her to Love me as well.
sigh, can i just ask for the simple life in which i would be married to anyone here. and somehow in short time we develop ourself some real nice chemistry together, we make kids, we grew old, then we be dead, the we'll be seing U, and our kids too.
but then, is it possible for me to do that? can i just gamble and ramble on marriage?
maybe i cant, cuz possibly somehow that currently im attracted to this girl, right here.
maybe its somehow that how it would sound possible that im attracted to this girl.
yeah i told U twice. but then, what if, somehow, the way to gey to her is to have DATE with her,
to always CALL her just to hear that she's fine, to TEXT and say 'how are u?'..
despite the fact that we are not link by any mean or any approved bond.
i even asked advice from one of my friend and this person whether she said that i should do that shit such as calling, dating, texting etc.
God, i dont want that, u see, if and only if i love her, then right now, i would stay away from her.
i dunt want any of our action to be sinned. as somehow maybe, that there would be time where our love could be somehow built by lust. lust that is whisperd to us as if we forgot, somehow, that U created us and give us the Love.
if and only if i love her, i'd stay away. with least calling, texting, and all that stuff.

God, give me the time. give us the time to be patient to ourself, for we wont be driven by lust to do the thing we desire.
we dont want to be sinned, i dunt want it myself, and i dunt want it for her. how can i asked U, for she stays. stays in which i mean that she could stay single perhaps. in just some more few years perhaps? so as for by that time, possibly and wonderfully that we would be ready for ourself to get married together? Sigh, am i asking too much?
it cant be, cuz its the way that it should be right? i mean, where does all this dating come from,
its not from anything that U thought us, from U, U gave us a prophet, Muhammad (peace be upon him).
as so, he thought us about love, sacrifice, life, and everything from the single most tiniest thing to the most enormous thing in our life.
and in his (peace be upon him) teaching, there is nothing and completely none of them that say,
"owh, its okay too date. its okay to watch movies together, well, its just for a couple of hours.
owh, its okay for u to walk together peacefully, holding hands all thinking that all would be fine,"
as for as for that time, your Angel 'Atid is really doing his work writing all ur sins.
NO, there has never been a teaching like that. i dunt want to touch her or anything. that is what i called from earlier, in which somehow our love could be driven by lust.

i want her to be nice, she would be like all the sort in which she is perfect.
if impatient builts inside her or me, and in which any means possibly that it cud happen,
and maybe the feel that im having right now WOULD somehow be possibly gone, the i wud return to U, O Allah, as u r d one who planned my life. U had planned it very well, i got great parents, great brothers and sisters, i made friends in which
some of them are awesome and some of them are just pretend to be, u even gave me this very tiny little itsy bitsy extra AV node in my heart,
in which this very tiny little itsy bitsy AV node cuz make my heart pumps almost 4 times greater than a normal heart.
but with this AV node too, O Allah, that i remembered U back. i stopped on taking drugs and stopped on caffeine.
which in turns maybe, possibly would kept me healthier longer. And so, getting back to my point,
in which, i might lose her, is none of that matters to me, cuz U created her, U made me had a crush on her, U made me able to buy somewhat a fluffy stuff
back there at Australia, and so much more that U had done to me.
If and only if this feel is gone, I would return to You. cuz possibly, that U had a greater plan for me, maybe not with her, and perhaps with somebody else. cuz in the end of the day, i realized that I only need YOUR LOVE. I only need your Love, O Allah.

Owh My God, U r my God. O Allah,
thank you for everything that u had given to me. Alhamdulillah. All praise Allah, as He is the Almighty and the All powerful.
The ever live, the start, and the end. He is our God, He is our creator. Praise Allah. Alhamdulillah.


hUr said...

for the love of Allah, i love this post. i really do. :)

anwar azhari said...

thanks hur,

i really appreciate it..


AnAk iBu said...

aii tept.
mcm kenal neh.

nice post.

**anak ibu sudah membau sesuatu**

anwar azhari said...

Owhh.. kenal ker?

bagus la kalo cmtuh. then we can skip the introduction.

**ambil bau saja yea..**

Anonymous said...

then u know how am i feelin..
to tell love...better not then done..
and that is why i prefer to wait..
just for a few years...and please be SINGLE along the way (for those in concern)..haha pathetic do i sound...

anwar azhari said...


u made me laugh anony,
but whateva it takes, if and only if waiting is the best way.

then wait u shall do.



Anonymous said...

Baitul Muslim kan ader...join ahh

Anonymous said...

nice one.
but by time, i think that ur change ur mind..
cuz these things come and go..
just like that..
but nice sincere..

hUr said...

i stiill, somehow love this post anwar. it is your best post yet. :) keep it up.