always has been that sometimes i felt confused of myself. upon that, i would ask questions, and of course i expect an answer. so as how it has been, i never had a relationship before. and it puzzles me on how could a man and women fell in love with each other. as more i ponder, my thoughts grew more and more. beyond else, i seek the meaning of love itself. and as how thick oxford's dictionary are, or how comprehensive wikipedia and google are, i still cant find the right answer. and so i seek for it, never to hope that an anonymous individual would lend me a hand, as to seek together with her. anyway, by me being single since ever, i feel rather awkward. as in, how come that my friend here have a girl or perhaps a woman, that loves him so much that they ask each others as in how they're doing, give some piece of advice and spiritual motivation, and all those lovely thing.
so one day, in my room at kajang, i opens up my window and said to myself. i would find myself a girlfriend. turns out, it is so much harder than i thought. of course, knowing the theory of flirting and the basic psychology of human thinking should have help me in making the search easier. it turns out that, i would always back off that the moment in which there's one more step to be make. so, in turn, i back off and none was left for me.
and time goes by, one by one they come and goes. as if they are plasticine. it'll stick for a while, and just for a while. sigh.. upon being relieved by the saying, Laa taqrabbu zina, i always reminds myself that i should always be far from committing sins as coupling would as if somehow, make me and my girlfriend nearer towards making sin. and so, why does it has to be her in the first place? ok, if she love me, then stop. its too early. yeah sure i adore u too but there should be the least of us. if u just want me to call u, text u, date u and all, dear, i must remind u Laa taqrabbu zina. i dont want any part of it and i also dont want u to be part of it.
so there it goes, one by one. like falling stars, so temporary. as if i felt none. and yes, i did felt none. i think that its not yet the time for me to engage in a relationship. its like, hey, im bloody 18 years old, 2nd year medical student. why should i involve in any of this? and so there i go, always alone, never had a relationship.
so sometimes people ask me,
*di masjid, selepas solat sunat selepas maghrib*
50+ year old man: kamu ni dah ada girlfriend ke?
taufiq: hahaha.. saya mane ada pakcik, x pernah ada pun..
50+ year old man: betul kamu x ada? kamu ni biar betol.. x pcaye la.
taufiq: betul pakcik.. saya nak fokus pelajaran dulu, habis medic ni boleh la saya fikir pasal hal2 ni.
50+ year old man: hahaha.. bagus..!
and sometimes they get angry,
*at a comfy, kampong house. drinking tea in the evening*
60+ year old lady: kamu dah ada gepren ke belom?
taufiq: nenek ada cucu sebaya saya ker?
60+ year old lady: ahahahahhaha...!!! x dela.. kamu ni hensem, x kn x de kot. ada x?
taufiq: erm.. x de la nek..
60+ year old lady: APA?! nenek X perCAYA kau nih x de gepren.. orang muda zaman skarang ni mesti ada..!!
taufiq: betul la.. x de.. saya nak belajar dulu betol2.. dah la belajar jauh, ke mesir..
60+ year old lady: ya Allah aduhai.. bagus betullah kamu nih.. susah nak cari orang muda macam kamu ni skarang nih.. (bla3.. bla3.. sangat panjang, memuji sang penulis. pembaca boleh rasa mual)
eh wait, back to the 1st man.
*another day, after solat sunat qabliah isya'*
50+ year old man: cucu pakcik ada nak pergi ke mesir nanti.. pergi ke zekzek.. ke ape name ntah.
taufiq: apa? apa dia pakcik?
50+year old man: dye nak fly ke mesir.. belajar medic, U nyer name ape ntah.. zekzek..
taufiq: owhh.. zaqaziq.
50+year old man: haa..! macamtulah sebutannya. kamu dah sampai sana?
taufiq: belum lagi la pakcik.. hahaha..
50+year old man: owh.. cucu pak cik nih perempuan, nanti kalau kamu ada kenal denagn dia, kamu jagalah dia yer..
taufiq: erm.. insyaAllah pakcik (erkss.. ape maksud pakcik sebenarnya?)
*Allahuakbar Allahuakbar..(iqamah memecah suasana, menyeru jemaah melakukan saf)*
maka, dalam pencarian cinta, apa yang sepatutnya kita cari?
"Ya Allah, Aku pohon cinta Mu ya Allah,
dan cinta orang-orang yang mencintaiMu ya Allah"